If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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