I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
