At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Someone signed my nipple.
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