everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
