Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
