I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
