so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this just has baby written all over it
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
