walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
