if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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