He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
