Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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