Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
How external is "for external use only"?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
