Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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