Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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