Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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