Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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