No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
