I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
