I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
