Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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