New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
