The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
