I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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