did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
