1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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