So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
