Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
