So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
