Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
