i don't like sucking hair
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
