adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
