So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
