I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
