I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Vodka?
Forever.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
