i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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