CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
