my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
