If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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