I cannot find my penis.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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