your parents love me but you hate me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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