I like to think it a success when the cops are called
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
