Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
