"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
