that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
