therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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