when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
pray to the hookup gods
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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