I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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