worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
