yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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