ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
