as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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