Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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