Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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