You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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